If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize