also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
