i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
