when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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