last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's blow job season.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dicks are not precious.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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