Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
