ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
