i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This is the high leading the old right now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
