I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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