Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
