Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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