Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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