i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the condom got lost in my hair
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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