I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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