The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize