I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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