and i looked up. we had an audience...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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