There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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