I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
