are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
