i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
