How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
