He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
