went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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