Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
