Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
