yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
