I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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