Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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