tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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