Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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