just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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