benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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