Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
