I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
