Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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