man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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