We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
