Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
