At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
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