bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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