i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
