I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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