I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
