At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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