Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
