Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
