I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize