It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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