are you still at the devil's house?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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