piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm really busy with my period
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