Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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