On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
