I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
