you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
