I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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