my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
