Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
