Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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