I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
