dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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