I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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