I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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