my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
In America we eat man semen.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
