his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she pinky promised me she was 18
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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