last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
