Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
