The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
