no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
