I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
