we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
